Hilarious JOKEs that can Kill you........yeah right!

GREEN JOKES!!!!! <--- green ba 'to?

A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...*anything*."
He returns her gaze. "Anything ?"
"*Anything*."
His voice softens. "*Anything* ?"
"*Anything*."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... *STUDY* ?"



Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all other vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."



A guy walks into a bar and he is crying. The bartender asks him whats wrong and the guy says, "I was standing on the corner of a street and a truck came by and knocked my dick off".
The bartender says, "Yeah, right buddy."
The guy says, "Let me prove it to you."
He reaches into his pocket, pulls something out and puts it on the bar. The bartender says, "Thats not a dick, thats just a cigar."
The guy says, "Oh, wrong pocket." He reaches into his other pocket , pulls something out and puts it on the bar.
The bartender says, "Thats just another fuckin' cigar."
The guy replies, "OH SHIT!!!! I SMOKED MY DICK!!!!!!"

Still there???? want some more???

some tagalog green jokes...... <-----eto? green ba'to?

Bakit may sabaw ang balot?

Ikaw kaya ikulong sa loob ng shell, 'di ka ba papawisan?!


Bakit may amoy ang utot?

Eh di para sa mga bingi!

Bakit gustung-gusto ni Erap ng vending mahine?

Akala niya kasi nananalo siya eh!


Anong sabi ni 11 kay 10?

"Pare, ang taba naman ng syota mo!"


Anong sabi ni O kay Q?

"Pare, mag-brief ka naman!"


Bebentahan kita ng panty ... murang-mura lang ... hello kitty pa ang design ... kaso nga lang may problema ... si hello kitty, nangangalmot!


Bebentahan kita ng brief ... murang-mura lang ... si sylvester pa ang design ... kaso nga lang may problema ... si sylvester, nangangain ng bird!


Bebentahan kita ng marvin shirt ... murang-mura lang ... kaso nga lang nakaakbay si jolina!

Bebentahan kita ng elephant ... murang-mura lang ... kaso nga lang pango!


Bebentahan kita ng owl ... murang-mura lang ... kaso nga lang singkit!


Anong difference ng clouds sa panty?

Ang clouds, 'pag hinimas ... clouds pa rin.

Ang panty, 'pag hinimas ... heaven!


Anong difference ng chicken sa chick?

Ang chicken ... may pakpak.

Ang chick ... may pekpek!


Anong difference ng jeep sa babae?

Ang jeep, 'pag maraming sumasakay ... sumisikip.

Ang babae, 'pag maraming sumasakay ... lumuluwang!

wAnT sOmE MoRe?????

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in the Movie Star Wars
1.'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts,kid.'
2.'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
3.'Look at the size of that thing!'
4.'Sorry about the mess...'
5.'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
6.'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
7.'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
8.'Put that thing away before you get us all killed!'
9.'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
10.'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!'


Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first